blessings

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, and also because my last post was a downright downer, here are some things that bring me oodles of joy:


Friends. J-Rod visited Boston over Veteran's Day and we honored our troops in the best way we knew how: cheeseburgers, wine, & American flags. Oh and many 11-11-11 wishes. Hit that 11:11 am AND pm, broke it up into 20 second intervals to maximize wish making... have I shared too much? Do I sound crazy? Twas a delight to have my first guest & I really love that Jeanenne and I make an effort to see each other. Life is hectic & there are always a dozen things we think we should be doing, but really, what's the point if we don't make time to see the people we care about?

Festivities. One night we made scrolls for our 8th graders who were writing their own declaration of independence. With a preamble and all (cue Schoolhouse Rock "weee the peopleeee, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice and insure domestic tranquilityyyyYYYY"). Being the domestic goddess that I am, I decided to bake some brownies. And voila, out came a pile of poop. Poop + scrolls with grill marks -- strangely representative of this stage of our lives.

Future. I got accepted to my first law school last week! It was such a happy, validating, relief of a moment. Also I am not ashamed to say I listened to the voicemail on repeat and did my pointy finger celebratory dance. Also my roommate Rob got into his first med school on the same night which was just beautiful. Asticou is going places!

Fowl. Just keeping with the F theme. This is the pond I pass when I go running in the arboretum. Are you more confused because you don't know what an arboretum is or because you didn't know I am a world-class marathon-training runner extraordinaire? I like to run. My power song is All of the Lights and when I feel like collapsing I just think of Jennifer Aniston being twice my age and 70 times more in shape than I. Keeps me going for a few more feet.

Frankness. My 7th grade girls kept asking me to straighten my hair so they could see it. Today I busted out the straight hair and MAN these kids are brutally honest. Reactions to my straight hair from various middle schoolers:

"You look like a prettier version of Ugly Betty."
"You should really do this every day. You look SO much better with straight hair. It brings out your complexion. And your attitude."
"So you got tired of your frizzy hair?"

Fam. Most of all, I am so incredibly thankful to have a hilarious, supportive, functional family. In less than 48 hours I shall be reunited with this bunch, eating food I can't afford on my own, watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, playing Phase 10, reading at Barnes & Noble, and basking in the glory of home sweet home. This pic is from T-Givs 2010. This year's pics will feature Alex as a full 5 inches taller than me. Yikes. They grow up so quickly.

Father of my children.



A blessing to us all.

bummers

This week marks the end of the first trimester. For the next four days, all my kids have a final exam in each of their classes. It's going to be a stressful, intense week. Do finals even exist in other middle schools? I don't remember ever taking them. With the first third of the year coming to end, I feel like I should reflect. I like reflecting. Also I don't want my family to think all I do is shop, dine, and explore historical landmarks. So here are some bummers:

The blatant disrespect of some of these middle schools is grating and straight up disappointing. And there's nothing worse than disappointment. Remember when your parents told you that they weren't mad, they were just disappointed? Yeah. Gut-wrenching. I try really hard every day to teach them something. When I push them to correct their grammar or check their subtraction, it's not to make myself feel useful. It's to help them do well in school and set themselves up for a good future. I don't think I would ever speak to an adult the way some of my kids have spoken to me. Mainly I was (am) a huge suck up and people pleaser, but beyond that, there is just a common decency to interacting with people. My favorite kinds of disrespect include the kids full-on ignoring me for an entire tutorial; the kids looking me in the eye while they do the exact thing I asked them to stop doing; and the classic simultaneous eye roll/head shake/muttering of "wooowwww" like I am demanding them to do the most arduous and outrageous task in the world. There have been times when I want to cry and slap the kid at the same time. I can handle a little teen sass, but COME ON.

Watching my kids fail their classes is also tough. It is common, even normalized, to be failing at least one class at one point in the semester. I have had to adjust my expectations tremendously because, for some of my kids, a C is a success. A's are actually unattainable for some of them and that's hard for me to comprehend. For other students, it's a matter of being extremely lazy and/or not perceiving the consequences of their actions. If you don't study, you don't do well on the test. If you don't do the homework, you get a 0 for the assignment. Keep it up long enough and you will fail the class. It's simple. Middle school grades, I realize, may not matter much in the long run (unless you want to talk about my 89.5% in the second quarter of 7th grade history that Mr. Freed refused to round up, not that I'm still bitter), but at this school, if they fail classes, they get held back. And it is going to suck to watch your friends go onto the next grade while you have to repeat the same stuff all because you didn't feel like doing your homework. I want to just drill the message into their head, but as my mom says, "You can't want it more for them than they want it for themselves." That's what we in the Carter house call a Lisa Line. There are many.

Next up is bullying, a problem in any middle school, and ours is no exception. One of my kids has been bullied on the bus and on the internet. From an adult's perspective, some of the insults are so stupid that they are laughable, but to an 11 year old, they sting. And there's nothing worse than knowing that people are saying hurtful things about you for no reason. I did my fair share of Mean Girling in 7th grade so, yeah, I get it. Everybody wants to fit in and be cool. But when you hear the kid say she hates school and wants to skip everyday because she knows kids will be mean to her on the bus, it's heartbreaking. It also makes me want to kick the kids in the face. We are doing a bullying prevention week after T-Givs and I'm curious as to how the kids will react. There will be lots of nervous giggling and apathetic eye rolling but I bet it will make a difference for at least one kid, and in that case, it's worth it. Also we all get free t-shirts.

My final stressor of life is applying to law school. There are so many forms to fill out and it's just all about making myself sound brilliant (but humble) /driven (but cooperative)/ fun (but not too fun)/ well- rounded (but with a specific passion). Applications are so superficial but you gotta play the game. I've submitted most of my applications, which is a relief, but waiting sucks. Especially because I'll be hearing back at unexpected times over the course of the next few months. Like I'm just snacking on some candy corn and enjoying the day, and BAM I get a rejection email. At this point I just want to go all HP sorting hat with this nonsense and just have the thing pick out a school for me to attend... full ride, of course. Alas, I shall sit here for the next 8-10 weeks, wracked with anxiety, feeling helpless as my kid gets bullied, unable to motivate them to pass their classes, and enduring the neverending disrespect.

I hope this post has sufficiently depressed you.

Middle School

Middle school is rough. Don't get me wrong; I had a great time doing yoga before school, decorating for school dances (shout out to Stinz - she had visions of streamers and glitter that the rest of us can only hope to achieve), and chatting for hours on end on AIM (jordistar863, hit me up). But it's still a really weird age & I'm fairly certain I never want to be 12 again. I do, however, have the privilege of spending the entire week with 11-14 year olds, so I have picked up on some long-forgotten middle schoolisms. It's also been nearly a full decade since my middle school days, so the kids watch Jersey Shore instead of Lizzie McGuire now, wear Jordans instead of overalls, and text instead of calling on the home phone. Therefore there are some new middle school quirks I am just discovering.

And so I present.... Middle School:

Weirdness: A few weeks ago one of my students told me I was "niquer." First reaction was, uhh, racial slur? Alas, according to the dictionary of her mind, it means someone who is happy, creative, and likes to do things. So then yes I will gladly add niquer to my list of adjectives.

Giggling + other noisemaking: Everything is funny. I mean EVERYTHING. Someone falling has gotten the most prolonged and extreme reaction, but I find falling hilarious too, so I can't blame them for that. But there is always some noise being made, with pencils, hands, feet, mouth, erasers, silverware, etc. Just quit it! Just stop. And don't start again. I can STILL hear you making the same noise. STOP.

Black Ops: My 8th graders are addicted to this game. They talk about it every chance they get. Their kill to death ratio is out of this world, supposedly. Everytime I ask, "What did you do this weekend?" the answer is. "Ummmm. Played Black Ops." Cool! I get it, though. I have a 14 year old brother who mutters aggressively into his headset for hours at a time, ignoring the real world and laughing maniacally when he kills an innocent elderly woman standing on the sidewalk.

Couples: Ah yes, the middle school romance. There are some serious couples here. One just celebrated their one year anniversary which in the real world is like a decade. My 8th grader is constantly turning back to stare at his girlfriend, who comes by our table to take his pencil pouch, which he pretends to hate but clearly loves. Every day he walks her to the train station and then slowly makes his way back to school even though his mom is always waiting to pick him up. Every day he lies and says he was doing his homework in the park and that's why she couldn't find him. What makes them the power couple is that he is a big shot on his neighborhood pop warner football team and she's a cheerleader for the team. I love fulfilled stereotypes.

Bragging: Something I don't worry about for most of my kids: confidence. They think they are God's gift to earth, infallible and always correct. Even when I show them, step by step, the correct way to solve a linear equation, they are positive that they are correct and me, the principles of mathematics, and the laws of nature are all wrong. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that aliens exist and that it's Kember Walker. Okay fine I can get on board with the aliens but Kember? Really?

Smelliness: You remember. Everybody is starting to smell bad and then they start to overcompensate with the Axe body spray. It's just an assault to my senses sometimes.

Slang: There's a lot of "mad," of course, but then there's "aggro" as in aggravating, "forcin it" which means inappropriately making them do something, and "chips," which I still don't really understand but I've gathered that it's not a good thing.

Simplicity: I play UNO every single day with my 8th graders. Every. Single. Day. At 8:30 am. And they love it. They have to earn it by working hard in math tutorial, and it's only for 5-10 minutes, but they live for it. When they are being lazy/rude/annoying I take UNO away and the tension is palpable. I love this power.

Moodiness: I swear, in two months, I have seen every extreme of every kid. Even the well-mannered ones have had crying days, shut down days, and mean days. I witness uncontrollable laughter at 9:45 and by 10:06 somebody is tearing up. Boys, girls, doesn't matter. They are all up in their emotions and it is exhausting.

Pencils: In my middle school days, I took a lot of pride in my nice mechanical pencils and clicky erasers (you know what I'm talking about, the kind Mrs. Straus hated). My kids now always have a stub of a pencil or one without an eraser and it's just a constant conversation about having a normal, functional pencil.

Personal responsibility: Doesn't exist in middle schoolers.

Bathroom: It's always an emergency. Always.

Honesty: My 7th grade girls are the barometer of my appearance. When I'm having a good hair day, they'll tell me. When I look tired, they'll tell me. "Ms. Carter are you sick?? You have huge black circles under your eyes." THANKS! On the first day of school when I had the extreme rash on my face, they kept a running commentary on its progress. When they didn't comment one day, I knew I was in the clear. It's harsh but at least I know they'll keep me in check.

And now I'm going to think about how old I am because Lizzle McGuire is preggo, overalls have cycled through and are semi-trendy again, and my kids mock me for not understanding how to use my iPhone (which I'm obsessed with and will talk about any chance I get).

The View From Saturday

Did anyone else love that book? Since starting work at a middle school, my reading tastes have shifted accordingly. I mean, I was already into The Hunger Games (looking at you Eric) but I have now reread Stargirl, which may be my all time favorite book. Have you read it? You should. I'll keep the recs coming because, face it, you don't know what's cool until I tell you to do it.

Back to Saturday. Saturdays are so valuable now. The whole weekend is. At WashU I forgot that people even function on Fridays and I chose to use the day for sleeping, TV, and eating. A simpler time. Needless to say, it was a bit of a shock to realize that Friday is part of the work week after all. So when I found out we got Columbus Day off, I said to myself, "Will I really celebrate the man who smallpoxed all the Native Americans and then stole their land?" And then I said to myself, "Yes, and I will do it in the most profoundly American way possible."

Sam Adams brewery tour. Because our America is better than the Native Americans' ever was.

But that, as you government employees (HI MOM) will note, is Monday. So back to Saturday.

If you read this blog carefully, and you do, you remember that the weather of Boston is similar to that of my 6th graders - unpredictable and bizarre. But when it was 85 degrees on Saturday after being 50 degrees on Wednesday, I rolled with it. I rolled right down to Beacon Hill, a super old neighborhood in the heart of Boston. It was once a bigger hill before they took the land to fill in the water, blah blah more historical facts. The point is that it's mad expensive* and all your famous historical Bostonians have cribs in Beacon Hill.

*I use "mad" as an adverb now because I'm on the east coast and I spend my days with preteens.

Louisa May Alcott's house. She seems like the haunting type so I like to think she's just chillin on the top floor. John Kerry lives on this street too.

After walking the cobblestone streets, I meandered across the street to Boston Common, where I began Profiles in Courage because what is more Bostonian than JFK? Then I realized I have little to no brain power left to decode words above the 8th grade reading level, so I listened to music and people-watched instead.



I read in a guidebook that Boston is at its best in October. After further review, this is a true statement. My goals for the rest of October include a "Haunted Footsteps" tour of Salem and the Head of the Charles Regatta. And of course, the third best holiday of the year, Halloween*.

I love fall. I love New England fall even more.

Although I want you to believe I am constantly thinking deep thoughts and going to cool places, that is far from the full picture. Often you can find me lying on our dirty couch in my KU snuggie watching the Kardashians and eating cheese. Boston can't change who I am at my core.

And it can't change the things I love and miss most about Kansas.


*Thanksgiving & St. Patrick's Day, duh.