holiday chill

I sit here, wrapped in my comforter on an unseasonably warm December afternoon (or so my weather app tells me - I haven't been outside), in the same red WashU sweatpants I've worn all week, chain-eating Lifesavers mints (always wint-o-green, never peppermint) and listening to my brother watch It's Always Sunny (yes he's 14, yes he is too young for it, yes he is beyond salvation). During a normal Boston week, Thursday afternoon signifies the end of 4 long days of hard work and mindful closing of the achievement gap. During this Topeka week, Thursday afternoon signifies ... nothing.

Sometimes I legitimately think I'm the laziest person who has ever existed. You should ask my parents, or my high school friends, or my college roommates, or my current roommates. If you're one of those people, you're probably nodding and thinking, I've never known anyone who can sleep so much or How can someone function with so many clothes piled on her bed? I prefer to think of myself as a person of conscious intent. If I want to be productive, I will run and cook and clean and read and write and study and cross things off my to do list like I'm Beyonce (someone I imagine never rests). But when I'm chillin, I'm chillin hard.

Here are some images of my holiday chill:

Cats out on the town

An intimate moment

These crazy kids celebrated their anniversary


A tropical Christmas


I had no button ups, & clearly we all had to match, so I had to borrow my brother's

We spent Christmas day celebrating what the day is all about: the return of the NBA! My Thunder won, the Lakers lost; it was a holy day indeed.

Someone was unhappy about the Lakers losing. He was consoled by yet ANOTHER pair of shoes.


My g-parents prepared a delish Christmas dinner



Apparently I am allergic to cats. Tara: Bear and I need to have a little chat. Side note: when did I get so attractive?!


In my most productive move of the week, I changed my phone background to a pic of this one. If you want to see a beautiful moment in cinematic history, find the next showing of New Years Eve, wait in the lobby for 90 minutes, & pop in for the end credits where Zac is dancing like he will dance on our wedding day. Ya gotta believe it to achieve it.

Ok. Now Alex, the only other contender for laziest person in the US of A, went to basketball practice, rendering me the victor... just in time to watch Dr. Phil! A little white toddler is screaming "I don't want to turn blaaaackk!" and her dad is telling her that all girls turn a little bit black on their fourth birthday. Daytime TV is the epitome of the holiday chill.

kroger brand celebs

If you have a father like mine (read: fiscally responsible (read: cheap)), you're familiar with the Kroger brand. We do it all: Kroger cereal, Kroger bread, Kroger cheese, Kroger chips. Might as well be renamed the Carter brand. The only anti-Kroger petition that has been successful has been my plea for Tropicana. I don't play around with orange juice.

Even though it's not as fancy, Kroger is essentially the same thing for a better price, making it the better choice. Consistent and reliable, the Kroger brand flies under the radar but still fills my tum with deliciousness. Much like these celebrities.

Mainstream hipster - The brandname pick is Zooey Deschanel. The quirky songs, the cutesy mannerisms, and oh those blue blue eyes are all part of the Zooey effect. But Rashida Jones is my actual idol. First of all she is a brownie, and I just prefer mixed people to all other people. Call me racist, but ya can't, because which race am I for?! ALL OF THEM! TOGETHER! Rashida went to Hahhhvard and is extremely articulate, plus she is classy, hilarious, has this effortlessly chic look, and co-stars in is what is perhaps my favorite movie of the last decade (I Love You Man). Rashida has this indie charm but is not so hipster as to repel you. She is the only person who could basically ruin Pam and Jim's relationship and still have you saying to yourself at the end of the episode, "We should be friends."

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Self-deprecating comedienne: It's all about Tina Fey right now. I get it. Bossypants was straight up perfection. But I laugh just as hard at Mindy Kaling, whose twitter feed consistently says exactly what I'm thinking, only funnier and clearer. Her book also had me snorting on an airplane (please borrow it from me so it gets the love and many reads it deserves), plus I feel like I can relate to her. She is the more accessible Fey, the everyday Fey, if you will. She knows and cares about three vital things: celebrity gossip, basketball, and sparkles.

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Mom on the go: I am a loyal reader of People magazine and ask my mom to keep every single issue so I can binge-read when I'm home. But sweet baby Jesus, we need to jump off the Brangelina bandwagon. She is badass and does great things for all the poor children of the world, blah blah blah, but I just don't want to see her big lips any longer. YES I'm still bitter about the demise of Brad and Jen. They were just so golden. My personal pick for celeb mom who is always photographed toting around a munchkin or two is Jennifer Garner. She is always so delightfully frumpy in that hectic-but-happy stay at home mom way. Her kids seem to be having the time of their lives in every pic. I realize Garner's career as an actress is not stellar (although she was so good in Juno) but you know she plans the most rockin backyard birthday parties.

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Modern Family character - Cam steals all his scenes. He wins the awards. He may be the perfect television character. But my number one is Manny, and that's not just because Eric Stonestreet went to K-State. Manny is such a hopeless romantic, a little Colombian kid trapped in an old man's body. He just loves love. I'll admit he isn't as funny this season but don't give up on Manny! He just needs his poncho back!

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NBA superstar - Well. Kobe is a rapist so I'm gonna go ahead and cut him early. I also despise Derrick Rose but that's mainly because he went to Memphis (oh did you forget?) LeBron doesn't really bother me. My middle schoolers are obsessed with D-Wade & Rondo. Nowitzki was a beast this year. But I'm all about Kevin Durant. We go way back to '07 when I used my magical powers to injure him at a KU-Texas game. It's not a big deal, I just won us the Big 12 championship that year. When he came to OKC I developed an obsession. He is a sick basketball player and seems like a solid guy. Plus he's young enough to be eligible as a future friend/husband, whichever I need at the time. I love that the midwest has a legit superstar basketball player.

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Sometimes, though, as with the Tropicana (I really hope Tropicana sees this and offers me some of sort of sponsor relationship, as I have a sweeping influence on both the virtual and real worlds), you gotta go name brand. So in terms of Kardashians (Kourtney), Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Kyle), Disney stars (Selena Gomez), and generally perfect leading men (Ryan Gosling), I am right there with the rest of ya.

LAS

As a tot, I always played the teacher role. I was the teacher in our 2nd grade assembly and I earned two Academy Award nominations for the role (lost to Meryl Streep yet again). I played school with my friends, my then-infant brother, and by myself because I was a loner. I loved being in charge, loved the structure, and loved the power of the red pen.

But I never really thought I'd be a real teacher. In fact, I never really thought about being a real anything.

You see, I suffer from a syndrome known as Liberal Arts Syndrome, or LAS as it's known in the industry. LAS most often strikes the upper middle class population and is particularly cruel to females.

Symptoms include:

- a propensity toward "saving the world"
- ellipticizing to burn off that fro-yo and spinach salad with balsamic (no meat! baby cows are just sooo cute) you scarfed down because you just have no. self. control.
- liberal political beliefs ("love is love" is a catchphrase of ours) and strong support of high taxes until you start paying them yourself
- summers of interning at various non profits because you just really like helping people who were dealt a shitty hand of cards
- the simultaneous need to say pretentious things like "Arrested Development was SO underappreciated" while DVRing all Real Housewives franchises (except Atlanta & Miami)
- a wardrobe of leggings, Northface, & Nike
- no marketable skills

As someone living with LAS, I knew it would be tough to have a worthwhile future because we thrive in a university setting and often don't make it past 22. We're pretty good at everything but really good at nothing. We have too many interests but never dream of committing to any one of them. That's why it was such a surprise to actually get a job for this year, even if it is in the least surprising field for people living with LAS: education. Now I am fulfilling my long-forgotten dreams of teaching, imparting wisdom to future generations, and using the dry-erase board (because every math problem becomes 40x more fun when you get to use the dry-erase board).

The thing about dreams is that they are better when you're sleeping and so I must announce that I am not meant to be a teacher. It isn't painful for me to say this because I realized this about 4 years ago when I was doing after-school tutoring and realized how frustrating children are. I really don't want to, nor do I know how to, stop your kid from crying, yelling, hitting, or eating his boogers. I will probably run into these same issues with my own children but we will address that issue when we come to it (8-9 years, don't worry, Lisa & Vince). There are so many emotional, social, & political obstacles that teachers have to deal with, and I am already burning out from my not-an-actual-teacher job. Let me reiterate that I have so much freaking respect for teachers because it is probs the hardest job in the world if you do it well. When I become wealthy & extremely powerful, I will increase teachers' salaries in addition to giving my kids' teachers' badass holiday gifts (talking to you, Tara). But I myself will not be among the teacher crew.

My current plan, if you're wondering how I plan to continue my fight against LAS, is to go to law school and become a crusader for social justice through sweeping change. While I do plan on meeting my liberal, hard-working, Zac Efron lookalike husband (who may come from old money but is not required to), husband-hunting is not my sole purpose. I want to be able to afford my all-J. Crew wardrobe and quarterly exotic vacations all by myself, thank you very much. I also want to save the world, make our country more socially liberal, help people who were dealt a shitty hand of cards. After all, LAS can be managed but never fully cured.