Middle School

Middle school is rough. Don't get me wrong; I had a great time doing yoga before school, decorating for school dances (shout out to Stinz - she had visions of streamers and glitter that the rest of us can only hope to achieve), and chatting for hours on end on AIM (jordistar863, hit me up). But it's still a really weird age & I'm fairly certain I never want to be 12 again. I do, however, have the privilege of spending the entire week with 11-14 year olds, so I have picked up on some long-forgotten middle schoolisms. It's also been nearly a full decade since my middle school days, so the kids watch Jersey Shore instead of Lizzie McGuire now, wear Jordans instead of overalls, and text instead of calling on the home phone. Therefore there are some new middle school quirks I am just discovering.

And so I present.... Middle School:

Weirdness: A few weeks ago one of my students told me I was "niquer." First reaction was, uhh, racial slur? Alas, according to the dictionary of her mind, it means someone who is happy, creative, and likes to do things. So then yes I will gladly add niquer to my list of adjectives.

Giggling + other noisemaking: Everything is funny. I mean EVERYTHING. Someone falling has gotten the most prolonged and extreme reaction, but I find falling hilarious too, so I can't blame them for that. But there is always some noise being made, with pencils, hands, feet, mouth, erasers, silverware, etc. Just quit it! Just stop. And don't start again. I can STILL hear you making the same noise. STOP.

Black Ops: My 8th graders are addicted to this game. They talk about it every chance they get. Their kill to death ratio is out of this world, supposedly. Everytime I ask, "What did you do this weekend?" the answer is. "Ummmm. Played Black Ops." Cool! I get it, though. I have a 14 year old brother who mutters aggressively into his headset for hours at a time, ignoring the real world and laughing maniacally when he kills an innocent elderly woman standing on the sidewalk.

Couples: Ah yes, the middle school romance. There are some serious couples here. One just celebrated their one year anniversary which in the real world is like a decade. My 8th grader is constantly turning back to stare at his girlfriend, who comes by our table to take his pencil pouch, which he pretends to hate but clearly loves. Every day he walks her to the train station and then slowly makes his way back to school even though his mom is always waiting to pick him up. Every day he lies and says he was doing his homework in the park and that's why she couldn't find him. What makes them the power couple is that he is a big shot on his neighborhood pop warner football team and she's a cheerleader for the team. I love fulfilled stereotypes.

Bragging: Something I don't worry about for most of my kids: confidence. They think they are God's gift to earth, infallible and always correct. Even when I show them, step by step, the correct way to solve a linear equation, they are positive that they are correct and me, the principles of mathematics, and the laws of nature are all wrong. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that aliens exist and that it's Kember Walker. Okay fine I can get on board with the aliens but Kember? Really?

Smelliness: You remember. Everybody is starting to smell bad and then they start to overcompensate with the Axe body spray. It's just an assault to my senses sometimes.

Slang: There's a lot of "mad," of course, but then there's "aggro" as in aggravating, "forcin it" which means inappropriately making them do something, and "chips," which I still don't really understand but I've gathered that it's not a good thing.

Simplicity: I play UNO every single day with my 8th graders. Every. Single. Day. At 8:30 am. And they love it. They have to earn it by working hard in math tutorial, and it's only for 5-10 minutes, but they live for it. When they are being lazy/rude/annoying I take UNO away and the tension is palpable. I love this power.

Moodiness: I swear, in two months, I have seen every extreme of every kid. Even the well-mannered ones have had crying days, shut down days, and mean days. I witness uncontrollable laughter at 9:45 and by 10:06 somebody is tearing up. Boys, girls, doesn't matter. They are all up in their emotions and it is exhausting.

Pencils: In my middle school days, I took a lot of pride in my nice mechanical pencils and clicky erasers (you know what I'm talking about, the kind Mrs. Straus hated). My kids now always have a stub of a pencil or one without an eraser and it's just a constant conversation about having a normal, functional pencil.

Personal responsibility: Doesn't exist in middle schoolers.

Bathroom: It's always an emergency. Always.

Honesty: My 7th grade girls are the barometer of my appearance. When I'm having a good hair day, they'll tell me. When I look tired, they'll tell me. "Ms. Carter are you sick?? You have huge black circles under your eyes." THANKS! On the first day of school when I had the extreme rash on my face, they kept a running commentary on its progress. When they didn't comment one day, I knew I was in the clear. It's harsh but at least I know they'll keep me in check.

And now I'm going to think about how old I am because Lizzle McGuire is preggo, overalls have cycled through and are semi-trendy again, and my kids mock me for not understanding how to use my iPhone (which I'm obsessed with and will talk about any chance I get).