bummers

This week marks the end of the first trimester. For the next four days, all my kids have a final exam in each of their classes. It's going to be a stressful, intense week. Do finals even exist in other middle schools? I don't remember ever taking them. With the first third of the year coming to end, I feel like I should reflect. I like reflecting. Also I don't want my family to think all I do is shop, dine, and explore historical landmarks. So here are some bummers:

The blatant disrespect of some of these middle schools is grating and straight up disappointing. And there's nothing worse than disappointment. Remember when your parents told you that they weren't mad, they were just disappointed? Yeah. Gut-wrenching. I try really hard every day to teach them something. When I push them to correct their grammar or check their subtraction, it's not to make myself feel useful. It's to help them do well in school and set themselves up for a good future. I don't think I would ever speak to an adult the way some of my kids have spoken to me. Mainly I was (am) a huge suck up and people pleaser, but beyond that, there is just a common decency to interacting with people. My favorite kinds of disrespect include the kids full-on ignoring me for an entire tutorial; the kids looking me in the eye while they do the exact thing I asked them to stop doing; and the classic simultaneous eye roll/head shake/muttering of "wooowwww" like I am demanding them to do the most arduous and outrageous task in the world. There have been times when I want to cry and slap the kid at the same time. I can handle a little teen sass, but COME ON.

Watching my kids fail their classes is also tough. It is common, even normalized, to be failing at least one class at one point in the semester. I have had to adjust my expectations tremendously because, for some of my kids, a C is a success. A's are actually unattainable for some of them and that's hard for me to comprehend. For other students, it's a matter of being extremely lazy and/or not perceiving the consequences of their actions. If you don't study, you don't do well on the test. If you don't do the homework, you get a 0 for the assignment. Keep it up long enough and you will fail the class. It's simple. Middle school grades, I realize, may not matter much in the long run (unless you want to talk about my 89.5% in the second quarter of 7th grade history that Mr. Freed refused to round up, not that I'm still bitter), but at this school, if they fail classes, they get held back. And it is going to suck to watch your friends go onto the next grade while you have to repeat the same stuff all because you didn't feel like doing your homework. I want to just drill the message into their head, but as my mom says, "You can't want it more for them than they want it for themselves." That's what we in the Carter house call a Lisa Line. There are many.

Next up is bullying, a problem in any middle school, and ours is no exception. One of my kids has been bullied on the bus and on the internet. From an adult's perspective, some of the insults are so stupid that they are laughable, but to an 11 year old, they sting. And there's nothing worse than knowing that people are saying hurtful things about you for no reason. I did my fair share of Mean Girling in 7th grade so, yeah, I get it. Everybody wants to fit in and be cool. But when you hear the kid say she hates school and wants to skip everyday because she knows kids will be mean to her on the bus, it's heartbreaking. It also makes me want to kick the kids in the face. We are doing a bullying prevention week after T-Givs and I'm curious as to how the kids will react. There will be lots of nervous giggling and apathetic eye rolling but I bet it will make a difference for at least one kid, and in that case, it's worth it. Also we all get free t-shirts.

My final stressor of life is applying to law school. There are so many forms to fill out and it's just all about making myself sound brilliant (but humble) /driven (but cooperative)/ fun (but not too fun)/ well- rounded (but with a specific passion). Applications are so superficial but you gotta play the game. I've submitted most of my applications, which is a relief, but waiting sucks. Especially because I'll be hearing back at unexpected times over the course of the next few months. Like I'm just snacking on some candy corn and enjoying the day, and BAM I get a rejection email. At this point I just want to go all HP sorting hat with this nonsense and just have the thing pick out a school for me to attend... full ride, of course. Alas, I shall sit here for the next 8-10 weeks, wracked with anxiety, feeling helpless as my kid gets bullied, unable to motivate them to pass their classes, and enduring the neverending disrespect.

I hope this post has sufficiently depressed you.